Homosexuality and the Tao

Question

Derek, the topic of homosexuality came up the other day as I was discussing the Tao with a group of people. One person said that since homosexual people could not have children naturally, they were against the natural order of the world, and therefore against the Tao.

"It's very simple," he said. "If I put a group of heterosexual people on an island, they will multiply and be fruitful. If I put I put a group of homosexuals there instead, they will die out. So which group is with the Tao and which is against? Isn't it obvious?"

I must say I felt disappointed in hearing this, because I came from a conservative background that condemned homosexuality and hoped the Tao might be different. I need to ask you for a second opinion before I give up completely. Can you confirm that this position against homosexuality is correct according to the Tao?

Answer

What you have described is a fairly common misconception, sometimes expressed by people with a surface-level understanding of the Tao. It seems to make sense at first glance: the male / female pairing is natural, and therefore same-gender pairings must be unnatural. The idea is that the Tao is about yin-yang, not yin-yin or yang-yang.

The first thing to realize when we approach this topic is that while some mainstream religions do condemn homosexuality, the Tao itself does not judge or condemn. The Tao is not human, nor is it a human-like deity, so it can never pass harsh judgements the way that some people do. It is more like natural laws that function without emotional attachments.

The second thing to realize is that there are already myriad things in nature that live out entire lives without producing offspring. If procreation is the yardstick by which to measure naturalness, then one would have to point to all of them as being against the Tao - including heterosexual couples who are infertile or simply do not wish to have children.

The most basic flaw that led to the above conclusion is our incessant focus on the physical. Gender and reproduction are inextricably tied to biology, but is the physical aspect all there is to existence? I would suggest that it is only one aspect of the multidimensional totality. Also, consider the basic truth that the spiritual is far greater than the biological for human beings. One simple example of this is the love between adoptive parents and adopted children. That love is just as real and powerful as anything else. The lack of a biological connection between them makes absolutely no difference at all.

When love exists, nothing else is quite as important, so let us transcend the physical in our thinking. Move to the level of the spiritual and examine the issue there. You'll find that when you strip away all the external layers, the only thing that remains at the core is love in its purest form. This love can express itself in many different ways. That expression, among consenting individuals, flows in perfect alignment with the Tao regardless of the way it manifests.

So is there anything that flows out of alignment with the Tao? Yes, but it has nothing to do with gender or reproductive ability. That which goes against the Tao is the antithesis of love: fear, loathing, hatred. In the material world, we recognize it in one of its many forms as homophobia and prejudice.

Next time people bring up this topic, let them know the truth. What goes with or against the Tao has nothing to do with the gender of your life partner. It has everything to do with our natural wish to manifest our highest, most loving and kindest selves. Let us be careful in handling the distorted ideas that try to take us away from that ideal.

Having More

Recently, I chatted with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. He was an entrepreneur, so I asked him about his business.

"It's doing extremely well." He perked up: "We are growing, and I am hiring more people while my competitors are downsizing."

"That is great news," I congratulated him. "It must be satisfying to run a successful company, especially in this economy."

"Well... believe it or not, it's quite the opposite." He winced: "At the moment I am actually feeling more frustration than satisfaction."

"Why?" I was curious: "What can be so frustrating about a company that is doing well?"

"It's not so much the company but the people in it - my employees!" He explained: "The thing that really bugs me is seeing them do so little with their lives. I'm always looking to better myself by reading books and learning more about business. They go home and vegetate in front of the TV, or they go out partying and get drunk. Where they are today is exactly where they were when I hired them years ago. They have not advanced themselves in any way. It's such a waste of time and potential."

"What makes them that way?" I asked: "What do they lack so that they end up wasting time and potential?"

He paused for a moment. "Motivation perhaps. Or, maybe they just don't realize that life is short and we have to make the most of what we have."

"We can call that clarity, in the sense that they are not seeing the finite duration of life clearly."

"Yes, that would be accurate," he nodded. "They don't have enough motivation and clarity, and that is why they waste their time and potential. Is there a Tao teaching that will help me not feel so frustrated with them?"

"There is - the same teaching as the one for people who are highly intelligent, and become arrogant or impatient with those who are not as smart as they are."

He was puzzled: "Isn't that humility? I don't see the connection at all."

"Take a look at chapter 2 of the Tao Te Ching." I pointed out the relevant passage to him:

Long and short reveal each other
High and low support each other

"I remember your lecture on this," he searched his memory. "You said it was about things being relative to one another, and how every description gave rise to its opposite, like the complementary pair of yin and yang."

"Excellent!" I encouraged him: "Now apply that concept to what you just described. If some of your employees have less motivation and clarity, it must mean that you have more."

"Sure, that makes sense."

"If it were the other way around - they have more and you have less, then it may be that your situation today would be the exact opposite. You may be working for them instead of them working for you, and they may be feeling frustrated with you right now about your lack of motivation and clarity."

"Yes... that makes sense also."

"So how is it that you have more and they have less?" I asked. "We don't get to decide how much talent we should receive before being born. If we have more of a particular thing, it is only because we were given more of it, whatever it is. Thus, having more is essentially an arbitrary stroke of luck."

"Interesting," he turned the concept over in his mind. "I guess I've never thought of it that way."

"What this means is that when you have more of a good thing and others have less, the Tao perspective is not that you should feel arrogant because you are superior to them, nor frustrated because you are impatient with them. Rather, the idea is to recognize your abundance as the perfect reason to feel grateful. You were never entitled to more, and yet you ended up with more. Is this not the most remarkable good fortune for which we should feel the utmost gratitude?"

My friend sat stunned. "I guess I've never thought of it that way either," he shook his head in amazement. "Wow!"

Once explained, this teaching seems so simple and obvious, and yet we may never realize it on our own without guidance. This is why we see so many people out there feeling negative emotions against others. They suffer from their negativity because they have never learned to always look at it from the perspective of the Tao. That perspective has the power to transform annoyance into appreciation in an instant!

Change in an Instant?

Question

Derek, I understand your point about chapter 64 of the Tao Te Ching - you have explained that great changes are made slowly, as gradual accumulations from many small steps. However, this seems to contradict self-help books and gurus who claim that change can happen in an instant. Shouldn't Tao teachings also include this possibility of the sudden change?

Answer

I would like to caution you against teachings that promise instantaneous life-enhancing changes. I have seen quite a few friends distracted by such promises, only to end up disappointed.

The "change can happen in an instant" school of thought has a major weakness in that the positive changes people want can easily fall into the "easy come, easy go" category. For example, look at the people who slim down using a fad diet, only to regain the weight later. In their case, it is obvious that the positive change does not endure.

The teaching of the Tao says: "If it does not last, it is not the Tao." This makes sense, since the Tao is defined as the eternal, everlasting principle. We can extrapolate from there to see that a real change must be something that is accomplished gradually.

This is how things are done in nature, even when it may not seem that way sometimes. Think about something like a flash of lightning. We're tempted to think of it as a sudden and dramatic change, until we understand that in order for that lightning to manifest, there has to be gradual buildup of electric energy well in advance of the massive discharge. Although the ancient Chinese sages did not know much about electricity, they could and did observe the gathering of storm clouds, and they arrived at the exact same conclusion.

This is why Lao Tzu wrote:

A tree thick enough to embrace
Grows from a tiny sapling

He understood that although one could not perceive the growth of a tree from one day to the next, over a period of time, the imperceptible increments would add up to a towering, majestic tree.

Use this as inspiration to embark on a path of gradual transformation for yourself. You will feel the change within you, even if it may not be apparent to others. One day, your friends will suddenly realize that you are no longer the same person they knew before. That realization will hit them like a flash of lightning.

Human Being or Human Doing?

Question

Derek, last week I heard a spiritual guru say: "Remember, you are a human being, not a human doing. This is the highest wisdom of the Tao."

I thought this was good advice, but I did not know it was a Tao expression. I did some research, but was unable to find any references to it in Tao literature. Can you help me get more information?

Answer

The expression itself does not come from Tao teachings or Chinese culture. The wordplay on "human being" is specific to the English language. It is one of the many lines in the repertoire of motivational speakers, similar to "Luck means Living Under Correct Knowledge" and "the best way to handle procrastination is to put it off."

The meaning of the expression, of course, is that we are often too stressed out by the many things we think we have to do. We need to take a step back from all the frantic doing and spend a moment just being. We can simply be in many different ways: meditation, prayer, or just a quiet moment alone.

The closest match to this idea in Tao teachings is wu wei, which some have translated as "non-action" but is actually closer to "minimal action" or "unattached action." The concept is not that we should not do anything at all, but that we can often achieve more by doing less when our actions are in alignment with the Tao.

Does this match with wu wei mean that the idea behind "human being, not human doing" is indeed the highest wisdom of the Tao, as the guru claims? No, not quite. It is good advice (as you have noted) that can get people to realize that they are rushing around unnecessarily. As such, it is an excellent tonic for our busy modern lives, but it is only a basic concept from the Tao perspective.

What, then, would be the highest wisdom of the Tao? In order to explore this question, we should realize that either-or choices are often illusory. That is certainly the case here, because it is much more accurate to say you are both a human being and a human doing. You embody not only the states of being but also the dynamics of action. There is no need to deny either.

Consider these two aspects as a manifestation of yin and yang within you. They are complements that support one another. The "being" part of life - relaxing, resting, recuperating - is the yin that recharges your batteries for yang, the "doing" part. Conversely, after an honest day's work, the good job you have done gives you the satisfaction and peace of mind to fully enjoy being together with friends and loved ones. The two give rise to one another and need to be kept in balance.

In this respect, the sages follow nature. They see the patterns of nature where activities such as wind and rain are invariably followed by calmness. They also see that calmness, just like activities, cannot last forever either. The two alternate back and forth. In emulation of this, the sages see both "being" and "doing" in themselves. They are capable of stillness and silence, but just as the ocean cannot always be at peace and the lake cannot always be placid, they are also capable of diligent work and meaningful actions.

Just as the sages emulate nature, we can emulate their wisdom. Next time you hear someone say "human being, not human doing," give yourself a little smile. You understand the basic level of the Tao is that one should slow down and take a pause that refreshes. At the same time, you also understand the higher level where you can embrace being and doing. When it comes to life, both are essential!

The Tao and the Negative Aspects of Life

Question

Derek, the Tao is all-encompassing, so even the extremes are included within the whole, including all the negative things in life. So is it wrong for somebody to defend their own hurtful actions as being a legitimate part of the Tao? How would one reason against this line of thinking?

Answer

This is a common problem in the serious study of spirituality. Fortunately, there is a solution that is as simple as the great truths of the Tao. I've written about it in the introduction of Tao Te Ching: Annotated & Explained. Here is a summary:

Imagine yourself hiking in the forest. As you look around, you see that you can go off in any direction you want.

Visualize yourself in the journey of life. Just like the hiker in the forest, you can choose from many different directions. The Tao is truly all-encompassing and includes all the choices you can possibly make.

Having had some experience with hiking, you've learned that the paths are not at all the same. Some lead to dead ends, some lead to hazards, and some take you around in a big circle only to bring you back where you started.

It is the same with life. The experience of living has taught you that not all choices are equally sound. Some of them don't take you anywhere. You know you are free to choose a path of conflict if you wish, but this would not be in your best interest, because such paths terminate in the dead end of meaningless rage and needless suffering.

When you talk about "the way" in the forest, you do not necessarily mean all the different paths you can take. From a practical perspective, you are most interested in the handful of paths that will take you where you really want to go.

Similarly, when Lao Tzu speaks of the Tao of existence, he is not necessarily talking about all the possible choices, positive and negative, that one can make in life. From a practical perspective, he focuses on the way of harmony, because that is the one proven path toward fellowship and fulfillment.

Most people already have an intuitive grasp of this. When Jesus said "I am the way", people understood he meant the way of love, not the way of hatred. If a friend tells you he's lost his way, you know he wants to regain a sense of meaning in life, and does not want to drift in a random direction without purpose.

This intuition informs you, quite accurately, that although "Tao" can be used to mean the all-inclusive totality of everything, when we zoom in on the Tao of life, we are actually not including all the harmful things that lead to strife and suffering.

If this is hard to grasp, imagine being lost in the forest and coming across someone who says, "I know the way." You know he's not talking about the totality of all the hiking trails. He's refering to a specific way out of confusion and disorientation. When we talk about "knowing the Tao" or "having the Tao," our meaning is the same. We are not refering to the Tao of all possible paths, but the Tao that saves you from being lost and confused in life.

This is how Lao Tzu expresses the Tao as well. It is why chapter 53 of the Tao Te Ching identifies negative and harmful things like corrupt politicians, gluttony, greed, and robbery as being not the Tao and excluded from the Tao. Lao Tzu's understanding is precisely aligned with our intuition.

The Tao of Giving

Question

Derek, as the holiday season approaches, I find myself facing the fact that I won't be able to give presents like I always have in previous years, because my personal finance has been severely impacted by the economy. How can I follow my intent to give generously to others when I don't have the means to do so? Is there a teaching in the Tao that can help me?

Answer

The Tao focuses on the essence of giving rather than the monetary value of the gift. Often, in our consumer society, we feel as if spending money on presents makes giving meaningful, but nothing can be further from the truth. We forget that we all have the ability to give presents that carry no price tags, and yet possess value beyond price.

As the economy worsens, it becomes particularly important for us to remind ourselves of this truth. Consider the following priceless presents – which ones will you give?

1. The gift of smile. When you greet people, why not give them a smile from the heart? It takes no work at all to transform an indifferent expression to something that will make someone's day a little brighter.
   
   
2. The gift of connection. Maintain eye contact when you speak with others. This is a simple decision that requires little effort, and yet it can make a huge difference in your communication.
   
   
3. The gift of kindness. A sincere expression of gratitude, encouragement or praise may not seem like much, but its impact on another soul can go well beyond your expectations.
   
   
4. The gift of assistance. Sometimes, all it takes is a helping hand, or just the offer to help. It may be holding the door open for someone or volunteering in your community. Even a small gesture of aid can make all the difference in the world, not only to the people you help, but also to you.
   
   
5. The gift of empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. What must they be thinking? What must they be feeling? This can be a very powerful gift, because so often people want nothing more than to be understood.
   
   
6. The gift of time. Consider spending quality time with friends and loved ones. For instance, rather than giving kids toys, gadgets or video games, make a real effort to be with them. Tell stories; build something together; create memories to last for a lifetime - this gift has a value that is infinitely greater than any material present!
   

The Tao teaches that you already have everything you need. In this case, it means you already have an unlimited supply of the greatest presents to give to others. Wouldn't it be a terrible waste to not make use of them? As the holiday season approaches, let us all focus on this teaching – the Tao of Giving.

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How do you say "Tao"?

Question

Derek, I am currently studying Tao philosophy under a Tai Chi instructor. I noticed he always pronounced "Tao" like the first sound of "dowel" instead of "towel," so I asked him why. He said that was how he learned it from his master in China, but he was not sure why it had to be that way. I googled for more information but was unable to find anything. Do you have any insights on this that you can share with us?

Answer

The confusion started way back in the days when Europeans were trying to figure out Chinese. The year was 1842, and a young man by the name of Thomas Francis Wade found himself in Hong Kong as a lieutenant in the British Army.

Wade had a gift for languages and it enabled him to pick up Cantonese quickly. No one knew much about Chinese at the time, so his talent elevated him through the ranks, and soon his role transitioned from soldier to interpreter, and then to diplomat.

Wade continued to learn Chinese while working in the British embassy in China. In order to facilitate his studies, he created for his own use a system to denote Chinese sounds with Latin letters. He was the first to attempt such a system, so the lack of prior art and his own imperfect understanding caused him to make several missteps in its design.

Perhaps the worst was that he decided to reserve letters like d, b, j, and g for later use. He knew there were many dialects in China, so he wanted to be conservative in assigning consonants. This forced him to double up on the use of the letters t, p, ch, and k. For instance, in order the signify the t sound, his rule was to write it like t'ao (with an apostrophe) and pronounce it like the first part of "towel." For the d sound, his rule was to write it like tao (without the apostrophe) and pronounce it like the first part of "dowel."

Although he meant well, this rule would cause endless confusion in later generations. Wade died in 1895 without ever finding a way to use d, b, j, and g. Reserving these letters turned out to be completely unnecessary, but by then it was too late. His provisional system had become the accepted standard, with its innovations as well as flaws.

Outside of the most specialized circles in academia, very few people understood that Wade's system mandated special pronunciations unlike any other usage in the English language. Thus, most people pronounced Tao like "towel" without realizing that it was originally meant to be like "dowel." Over time, the mistake became the accepted norm, so now both pronunciations appear in the dictionary.

We have an opportunity to set the record straight. We can continue to spell "Tao Te Ching" in its present form, because it is already part of the English language and thousands of books have been written about it. At the same time, we should also train ourselves to pronounce it like "Dao De Jing," in order to demonstrate the correct understanding of the actual sounds, and the subtleties of Chinese-to-English transliteration.

This extra bit of understanding can be useful. Next time you encounter people who claim to be experts in the Tao, listen carefully to how they sound out the word. Do they know how to say it correctly? If so, do they know the reason behind it? This can be a fun way to quickly assess how well they live up to their claims.

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